Scary Stuff
by Laurie is me
Summary: Buffy's sad, Xander admits twice what he's done and for the most part is sad, but both are happy in the end. SPOILERS FOR ISSUE 3 of BUFFY COMIC


Xander felt like he was fifteen again. Even in his powerful looking commando wear, he felt lost and a little afraid of himself. He kissed Buffy. It was a spell where someone truly devoted to her was the only one who could wake her, and she bolted up. Right after he kissed her she came right out of it. Which meant nothing on Buffy's part, she probably felt the same thing that she did years ago, 'Xander shaped friend.'

Had he never really gotten over her? Of course he loved Anya, but what if throughout their relationship he still loved Buffy more? He had gotten more upset at knowing Buffy had slept with Spike than he did Anya. When he and Anya were together, if Buffy wanted it, would he leave her?

_ i 'Pathetic. Xander Harris, if you can't get over a crush you've had since you were fifteen, what hope is there for you?' /i _

But it had always been more than a crush, what he felt was deeper than that. His heart hurt. He knew she would never reciprocate any feelings he had for her. And he was back to the feelings he felt as a teenager, loving Buffy, but unable to do anything about it.

He pulled out his penis ready to have a sad, really desperate, self fulfilled, orgasm. Stroking up and down didn't give the satisfaction it normally would, but he kept doing it all the same, almost as if he were on auto-pilot.

A quiet knock sounded on his door, "Mr. Harris? You're needed."

"I said wake me in two hours, it's been twenty minutes." Xander yelled through the door.

"Orders Sir." The voice said.

"Yours or mine?"

"Both, Sir."

Xander put his dick back in his pants and zipped up. He waited at the door, thinking he should put on the happy-Xander face, the one he wore most of the time, even when he was completely miserable. He put on the best face he could muster and walked out of his room.

"So who's ordering me around now?" he asked the messenger.

"It's Miss Summers." She said jumping a bit to keep up with him.

"Which one?" He asked with a smile on his face.

She seemed to get a little flustered, "The... The slayer one, Sir."

He kept making his way to the control room, but found he was alone, he looked back to see the messanger was walking in a completely different direction, and did not notice him not following her. He ran back after her.

"Where exactly are we heading?" he asked her.

"To Miss Summers room. She specifically-"

"you know, you can go now, I know the way."

She looked a little confused, then quickly walked away. Xander walked a little further, then knocked on Buffy's door.

"Xand?" She asked from behind the door.

"The one, the only, the one who apparently makes house calls. What can I do for M'lady that couldn't have waited two hours?"

"Come in."

Xander rolled his eyes and opened the door, "you know not all of us can be a vision just rolling right out of bed, some of us need at least two hours."

She kissed him, quickly, and looked at him with such sadness in her eyes.

"You were the one, you kissed me, you woke me." It was almost an accusation.

"I'm sorry," Xander said very sadly, "I may be your strength, but you Buffy, are my weakness."

"I'm sorry too."

Xander could barely speak, the feeling of his heart being ripped out was too much, "I know. If you could, you would. You can't. So goes the story of Buffy and Xander."

"I'd die for you Xand..."

Xander laughed sadly, "You wouldn't, you couldn't. You mean too much to the world, you'd never go down for an ex-carpenter."

"I love you."

Xander nodded, "I know. But I can't help but think if the roles were reversed, I'd be asleep forever."

"Maybe not asleep, but certainly dead."

"What?" Xander asked really perplexed.

Buffy morphed out of her own skin and grew into a giant green monster, and took Xander.

"Fuck!" Xander reached into his pocket for his communicator, he yelled into it, "breach! Fucking breach!"

Xander kicked and hit the scaly green beast, he then kicked the monster in the crotch, which made him throw Xander up against a wall, after that things got fuzzy for Xander. He remembered the green 'thing' picked him up again.

The monster started to talk to Buffy, who apparently arrived, though Xander didn't know when or how.

"I'm taking the carpenter, don't fight me and no one else will die."

"Okay..." Xander said weakly, "Buffy you... let him... keep the others safe..."

Xander passed out after that, the next thing he knew he was in his room.

"Ouch..." he said as he woke up.

"Xander?" Buffy sat down beside him.

"That's me... I think. I just want to know, why do I always have to be the damsel in distress?"

Buffy smiled, "Some are born to be slayers... some are born-"

"What happened?"

"What do you mean? Monster was in the castle, we killed it."

"I'm glad I could help you with that."

"How did it lure you to it?" Buffy asked seriously.

"It was Buffy shaped. I thought it was you, until it told me I was going to die, then I thought maybe it may not be you."

She lied down next to him, and took his hand in hers, "I was scared."

"So was I."

"I saw you bleeding so badly, and then you said to do as it said, that I should just let it take you. From a purely strategically point of view it made sense. And if it were another slayer, a mystic, Willow, god even Giles, I could do it in a heartbeat without another moment's thought about it. I'd be able to sleep, no guilt whatsoever. But it was you. And there suddenly was no choice, no option B, no way I'd let that thing take you."

"Buffy, I signed up for this, you don't need to feel guilty, or feel you have to save me. I may be human, but I know the price and I'm willing to pay it."

"I know. I knew that then. And I could feel the others behind me. No matter what they felt for you, they heard you, and they certainly didn't want to die. But I just... I couldn't. Now Romana's dead, and they all hate me. I'd let the world end before I'd sacrifice Dawn, and I think I'd do the same for you. I didn't know... I hadn't realized until... It scares me."

Xander was looking at Buffy trying to process everything she was saying, and looking rather dumbfounded.

"Xander," Buffy continued, "I think I'm in love with you."

Xander had a million words running through his head of what he could say, sonnets, just laughing it off as anything else, long long speeches on how he felt for her.

But what came out was just this, "I was the one that kissed you."

"Thank god," she laughed nervously, "For a second I thought it may have been Willow."


End file.
